Freedom and Unity: In the Community
Mariah D’Avignon is a native resident of Addison & Windsor Counties. She currently lives in a farmhouse in New Haven with her three sons, three dogs, five cats, a lizard, and a frog. She is a student at the Community College of Vermont and is part of its Career Pathways Entry Program, which is also offered through CCV. She is also looking forward to furthering her training in addiction recovery coaching to work with women who have been incarcerated. Mariah created a Facebook support group for women navigating the effects of trauma while parenting.
Healing is not a linear process, and it is not a destination. Healing is a journey. You heal a little at a time. You probably won’t even notice all the ripples you are creating by unlearning toxic habits and behaviors. We face the legacy of our trauma and journey through the healing process one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time, and sometimes it’s moment to moment. During the journey, we are also healing the effects of trauma from our ancestors. We are making changes that will affect our children, grandchildren, and future generations! Experiencing unity in the community can create a sense of belonging and de-stigmatize neurodiversity, mental health challenges, and substance addictions.
For me, managing mental illness, addiction recovery, poverty, and the effects of complex trauma has created many barriers and daily challenges. However, these challenges have helped me to delve deeper in search of myself and who I truly am within. Who I always was. The little girl twirling in the fields of wildflowers or escaping reality with my nose in a book. All the while dreaming about a perfect life where little girls can just be little girls and bad things don’t happen. My path was not what I had imagined, but I continue to chase my dreams. We cannot let our past dictate our future, who we are, and who we can be. You may not have taken the road that you wanted in the beginning, but that is no reason to throw it all away! It really comes down to mindset and your attitude towards life. Our mindset makes or breaks us. The inner critic in all of us can bring us down if we do not value ourselves and redirect our thoughts. As Buddha says, “What we think, we become.”
I have learned there is no one-size-fits-all answer to healing trauma. You have to do the inner work, and you have to be persistent and committed to show yourself and the world that you are a fighter, you are smart, and you are capable of change! You can break the cycle of trauma! Unlocking this healing magic requires a deliberate look inward and an ability to identify the roots of your trauma. People use substances to escape the past, their feelings, and reality. We break free from the chains of substance abuse when we find and pull out the ROOT of our use.
My toxic habits and behaviors, substance use, and mental health challenges are rooted in trauma that I experienced first as a child and then with unhealthy relationships with toxic partners. Because I did not know how to take care of myself, I used substances so that I could just be numb. When I was high, I forgot about everything. All the trauma. All the flashbacks. All the self-loathing shame that I carried around for years because I blamed myself for the trauma that took place in my life. I had no confidence, no self-compassion, and quite honestly, no will to live. I continued this negative thinking and acting pattern for years before I finally realized I was slowly killing myself, and I would end up dead or in jail. What kind of example is that for my children and grand child?
I choose to share my story because I believe we should discuss these issues within our community. I am sharing my story because I am not going to be oppressed into silence by the parts of society that just want me and my family to be invisible. When we are willing to share our stories about trauma, we take away a little bit of the power that they have over us. We refuse to accept the isolation and hopelessness that result from unresolved traumatic life experiences.
This is where community comes in. Communities that center love create a space of acceptance in which everyone is valued for who they are. Inclusive communities give people a sense of belonging, which people dealing with complex trauma desperately need. When we feel alone in the world, community can be the antidote to the unhealthy effects of isolation. Authentic community, where neighbors show up and connect and participate in healing. We all need a sounding board. Someone to affirm our value and give us feedback. Someone who can look at us from the outside and tell us the truth. Isn’t that what we all so desperately want? Truth? Authenticity? Connection? Support? LOVE? We want to belong. We want to feel valued. And especially as women, we want to be heard!
In Addison County, we are lucky to have wonderful people who work to create a sense of community that supports those of us living in poverty. I have had the joy of working with the Champlain Valley Unitarian Universalist Society, Green Mountain Justice’s “Neighbor Care” network, Addison County Parent and Child Center, Counseling Service of Addison County, Turning Point Center of Addison County, Women’s Center, HOPE, CVOEO, Hireability, Atria Collective, and Easter Seals. Most of the staff working in these programs “see” and affirm me. They do not judge me for being poor, or for my shortcomings and mistakes. They create an environment of belonging, where I am strong, smart, and hopeful, able to be a better person and a better mother. They help me work on mending the not-so-good parts of my life. When I stumble, they are there to catch me. In this community, I know I do not struggle alone.
Many moms out there face the struggles of poverty, addiction, mental health challenges, and just the stress of everyday living feeling isolated and hopeless. If I could speak to them, I would say this: Life, our children, and our neighbors are worth us giving 110 percent every day. Reach out and ask for help so you can heal and grow. Asking for help is HARD. It is even harder when you are a woman because we are supposed to hold everything together without help or complaint (at least that is the message that society sends us). But asking for help is necessary for your recovery and healing journey. You don’t have to do it all yourself. If you value your independence and were raised to pull yourself up by the bootstraps, like I was, then you probably think, “I’ve got this!” Maybe you do. But you have a community of helping hands just waiting for you. Reach out and connect. Be free of isolation, self-doubt, and the addictions that are going to put you in jail, and keep you in dead-end toxic relationships, or kill you. Get off the hamster wheel! Your past may explain your circumstances, but it doesn’t define you. BREAK THE CYCLE. Connect with others. Create healthy supportive relationships. Love yourself as you are (flaws and all), and everything else will start falling into place from there. That’s how we change the story’s ending!
Freedom and Unity in community look like authentic kindness. It is that simple. True freedom comes when we are free from the chains of addiction, s, judgment, untreated mental illness, guilt, and shame. Let’s all give ourselves grace when we make mistakes. Because we are worth it.
Namaste, Love, & Light,
Mariah Elizabeth
